Today many people spend much of their time and effort at work in search of better life by having larger paychecks. These paychecks (including bonuses) are usually determined based on one's work performance and contributions to the company. It is very seldom that someone who produce less impressive contributions for the company will be rewarded for their average work performance. So honest people tend to work harder and spend longer hours at the office or workplace in order to accomplish the target given to them by their bosses. After a gruelling long day, these people go back home physically and mentally drained. This is when the two worlds collide just as the sun totally disappears in the western horizon.
For those who are single, some may consider releasing steam at the gym; some will hop, skip and jump into the bathtub, pool or sauna to relax; and the rest will most likely hang out with friends at the bar, clubs or coffee house and just b***h about work. What about those who are parents?
These stress-wrecked working parents normally only have their commute from work to home to adjust or keep in check their emotions before having to start their roles as parents at home. However, the commute no matter how long it takes might not be enough to diffuse the stress and frustration from work. And this could lead to some parents blowing their gaskets all too often.
Yes, it is downright ugly when a person does something regrettable when temper flares. In a work environment, when someone screams and shouts at another person when things go wrong , I personally think that it is not too bad because it normally involves adults or grownups. However, when it happens at home, it is worse and shameful considering our prefrontal cortex can no longer differentiate the impact of such outburst to those who love and care for us. I know this from my own experience, and I am obviously not proud of it.
Sad to say, it is my own two sons who will trigger my outbursts. The combination of my high concern for their welfare and my low tolerance for irrational behavior (commonly exhibited by 6 year old boy and an infant) simply brings out a distasteful character of myself that almost never surfaced during my high school and college days.
I came to realise on how bad I have been as a dad and maybe as a husband lately when my son told my neighbor, who happens to be my colleague, a week ago that I am about to quit my job. My son is smart enough to know that I am very stressed out and unhappy at work in the past couple of months and that somehow greatly affects my judgment when I am at home. So I think, in his mind, he believes that he will get back his cool and loving dad if his dad quits his job - no job equals no stress. Unfortunately, no matter how tempting it might sound to just bum around and do nothing, I have to face the issue and grab the bull by its horns.
I preached about managing expectation to my fellow colleagues so it is time that I embrace this myself and not only to manage my own expectations but also to prioritise them. My family and my personal well being should be taken care first.
So this is my 2 cents on how to manage my two worlds effectively.
Improve self emotionally and spiritually- Normally, when a product is defect, I would normally go back to the shop and demand that the product be fixed or replaced or get my money back. However, since the defective product is part of me and cannot be refunded, it has to be done DIY and back to the basics.
Planning and managing expectations.
- I need to ensure that I spend more time thinking and executing plans that will benefit my family and my personal well being. This includes managing my own and my family's expectation so that it can fit well in the long term plan.
Networking.
- It is not only important to network with business associates / suppliers / customers etc, but it is also important to network for the sake of my family so that my wife and my children will have greater opportunities to make new friends and most importantly to have more time to maintain existing friendship / relationships.
Time and development.
- Reduce the amount of time spent at office and increase the amount of time spent with family. In order to be fair, I have to work more effectively in order to maintain work quality.
- Learn to relax more (slow down the pace of my life) and spend more quality time with family by having more family getaway weekends / holidays and ideally to take long walks at the park or the forest near our house.
- Put in more effort and time into the development of my sons' mental and physical well being.
I am sure there are more items to consider but I am too tired to think and write all of them down in this blog. Personally, I think it would have been much better if we spend most our time with our family when we wake up in the morning. We can spend time with our family during breakfast and lunch, the two most important meal period. We start work at 3 pm so if we are tired and stressed out from spending too much time with family, we can scream and shout at strangers and co workers at the office and not family members. Finish work latest by 11 pm because even the boss would not want to stay longer at the office. And most importantly, the best transition from work to home is sleep. Imagine sleeping 6 - 8 hours is enough to erase all stress and frustration from work. Why can't we do that???
